Assume the Worst

The Graduation Speech You'll Never Hear

By: Carl Hiaasen

Narrated by: Carl Hiaasen

This is Oh, the Places You'll Never Go - the ultimate hilarious, cynical, but absolutely realistic view of a college graduate's future. And what he or she can or can't do about it.

"This commencement address will never be given, because graduation speakers are supposed to offer encouragement and inspiration. That's not what you need. You need a warning."

So begins Carl Hiaasen's attempt to prepare young men and women for their future. And who better to warn them about their precarious paths forward than Carl Hiaasen? The answer, after hearing Assume the Worst, is: Nobody. Following the format of Anna Quindlen's commencement address (Being Perfect) and George Saunders's commencement address (Congratulations, by the way), this might look typical from the outside, but inside it is anything but.

This book is bound to be a classic, sold year after year come graduation time. Although it's also a good gift for anyone starting a job, getting married, or recently released from prison. Because it is not just funny. It is, in its own Hiaasen way, extremely wise and even hopeful. Well, it might not be full of hope, but there are certainly enough slivers of the stuff in there to more than keep us all going.

©2018 Carl Hiaasen (P)2018 Random House Audio

My mother said the same thing.

Great advice from Carl Hiassen channeling my mother. Must be some cosmic connection going on here across the space-time continuum. After all, she named me Carl too.

funny and insightful

loved it and agreed. the world is a rough place and your responsible for your place in it.

Fabulous Haase!

I've loved everything he's done. It sounds like he's reading from someone else's book but he has an enjoyable voice.

Practical advice I wish I had heard sooner

This is the perfect graduation speech. It’s loaded with good advice about your expectations for your future. See the world as it is, not with expectations of a grand future with little effort on your part. I’m an optimist and had high expectations for my future. I have had a good life, but it sure did take more stress and strain than I thought it would. A short listen packed with wisdom.

just sad that this was so short

I loved the point and would love to get my teenage son to listen. I hated that it was so short. I didn't know it was that short when I ordered and would not have used one of my credits for it. but the message was perfectly what I think about life.

Practical, If Shopworn Wisdom. But not worth...

...an entire audible credit.

It is possible for a 15 minute speech to be worth an entire audible credit. But this isn't one of those speeches. It's one of a genre of commencement speeches (surely, everybody's favorite venue...) called "Straight, borderline cynical talk." If you are no longer a starry-eyed, freshly-minted grad, you have heard all this already, may times.

Profanity laced banality

I know why this would never be an actual speech. It’s pretty much worthless. I want my 15 minutes back.

Adolescent wisdom and wit

This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

I suppose middle school graduates would appreciate the adolescent cynicism, but certainly not Hiaasen's adult fans--I hope!

What was most disappointing about Carl Hiaasen’s story?

That he would write it: what was he thinking?

What did you like about the performance? What did you dislike?

I had no issue with the performance.

If you could play editor, what scene or scenes would you have cut from Assume the Worst?

I would counsel H not to publish.

A gyp

This was a nice little piece by Carl, but not really anything close to a book or even an essay.

Disappointing

Very disappointed in this book. I expected some suspense and some excitement there’s was none.