An Oracle Walks into a Bar

The Misadventures of a Paranormal Post-Relationship Personal Effects Repossession Specialist, Book 1

By: Scott Burtness

Narrated by: Ray Lesniewski

Messy breakup? Want your stuff back from your ex? Shapeshifter August Shade can help. Satisfaction not guaranteed.

When a power-hungry elf hires August to get her favorite book back from her vampire ex-lover, August figures it’ll just be another job. Except that vampire is the meanest vampire this side of Canada, the book bestows its reader with the power to write their own future, and the elf isn’t the only one that wants the book. Things go from bad to worse when a horoscope-writing oracle starts having visions of the end of the world, and August pops up in all of them.

The cranky shapeshifter can change into a lot of things, but can he change the future? Haunted by a dark past, plagued by the oracle’s predictions, and grappling with his penchant for making bad decisions, the only sure thing about August’s future is that it looks short.

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Human Brain Pledge

This story was written by a human. No AI writing assist technology was used in the creation of this story.

©2021 Scott Burtness (P)2024 Scott Burtness

Humorous Dark Fantasy

This was my first experience with Scott Burtness' work, and I found it mesmerizing and humorous. This was one of those audiobooks that I had a hard time turning off as I was so captivated by the story. After one experienced a breakup, one could hire August to get one's stuff back from their ex-partner. August's job filled his life with complications, but once an oracle walked into the bar where August was located, things became even more complicated. I enjoyed the story a lot. I liked the twists and turns. I was entertained by the humor. I appreciated the paranormal beings that populated the book. I thought August, the oracle, and some of the characters were a lot of fun. Ray Lesniewski's narration was skillful, and his performance added to my enjoyment of the story. I was given a free copy of the audiobook, and I have voluntarily posted this review.

Harry Dresden Meets Kate Daniels Levels of Snark

Gleeful Goblin Review: As someone with a deep appreciation for snark and sarcasm this audiobook is right up my alley. The voice acting is on point and made me laugh aloud multiple times. The story and world building is a ton of fun. And our MC reminds me of Harry Dresden meets Kate Daniels in terms of tone and personality and those are two of my favorite MCs in urban fantasy so take that as the high complement o intend it to be! I'm thrilled to have gotten an opportunity to review this audiobook and discover a fun new world and author. 5/5 Stars

The narrator is masterful and the story is awesome

If you're looking for something with a lot of action and the humor to go along with it, you NEED to read this book. I LOVED the characters and the story was fabulous. I can't wait to read more by this author.

Loved Loved Loved!!!

Absolutely loved the "Harry Dresden-esque" snark of the main character! The first-person viewpoint kept me engaged and laughing all the way through and I can't wait to check out subsequent books in the series as they come out :) Thanks so much for letting me review it! (I was given this book for free in exchange for my honest review)

Entertaining!

This was my first Scott Burtness's book, and won't be my last. This is the first installment in the series, a darkly funny urban fantasy/paranormal comedy. The story is original, and entertaining, filled with humor, and twists and turns. The cast of characters is impressive. The writing is imaginative, and refreshing. Ray Lesniewski did an excellent job bringing this story to life. I enjoyed it. Looking forward to more in the series. #StoryOrigin

Wow

Such a good book! A quirky and fun paranormal shifter novel that you don’t want to miss. The storyline is unlike anything I’ve read before, oracles are new to me and super interesting. I also really liked this narrator, his voice was so easy to follow along and understand.