All We Could Still Have

A Novel

By: Diane Barnes

Narrated by: Alex Picard

In their attempts to have a child, a husband and wife must contend with personal desires, crossed boundaries, and broken trust as they reimagine what it truly means to be a family.

Nikki and Kyle Sebastian have a loving and healthy marriage. It’s only missing one thing they want—children. When the couple is diagnosed with “unexplained infertility” and endures several failed rounds of IVF, Kyle, for both their sakes, is unwilling to bury them deeper in emotional and financial debt.

Desperate to have a baby, Nikki betrays Kyle’s trust in an attempt to try IVF one more time. The choice fractures their once-stable union. Now burdened with suspicion, resentment, and further grief, their little family is falling apart.

Picking up the pieces of their broken home means reassessing their dreams for the future—dreams that Nikki’s not ready to give up. If she can’t find a way to forge a new path forward with Kyle, she may find herself alone at the end of the family tree she longs to help grow.

©2023 Diane Barnes (P)2023 Brilliance Publishing, Inc., all rights reserved.

Critic reviews

“All We Could Still Have is a deeply moving story about having no control over the thing you desire most and discovering a different way of looking at that desire along the way. Diane Barnes masterfully weaves through darkness to discover light and takes the reader on a beautiful journey with a host of compelling characters that feel like they could be any one of us.” —Suzanne Redfearn, #1 Amazon bestselling author of In an Instant

“In All We Could Still Have, Diane Barnes deftly navigates soul-achingly difficult issues and betrayals of the heart with such honesty and care that you just know—at each anticipated turn of the page—her story will leave you with the most redemptive emotion of them all: hope.” —Alli Frank and Asha Youmans, authors of Never Meant to Meet You and Tiny Imperfections

“Diane Barnes is a masterful storyteller, unafraid to lay bare the needs and desires of her characters. All We Could Still Have is the poignant story of one woman’s yearnings that lead her down a path of deceit from which she barely recovers, only for her to be thrust into an agonizing position where all her choices are heartbreaking. Or so they seem. Readers will fall in love with All We Could Still Have from the very first page.” —Barbara Conrey, USA Today bestselling author of Nowhere Near Goodbye

Turning a bad situation around

I like the mystery and intrigued that did not linger too long to keep you interested to read on.

Kyle and Nicole

*****SPOILER ALERT*****

All We Could Still Have by Diane Barnes. Audiobook review. Borrowed through the Kindle Unlimited Read and Listen program. Single POV (Nichole's). It's listed as 8 hours 7 minutes; I listened at speed 2.50 for 3 hours 15 minutes. Narrator Alex Picard did a great job. While this was listed in KU under romance, it's absolutely not romance. It's women's fiction. This was an absolute rage read for me and required me to suspend reality too much for me to enjoy it. Now that I've finished it, I feel sad. I wish I had never read this. Content warnings: miscarriage; fertility struggles; marriage on the rocks; cheating; h's parents died in a car accident; and family secrets and BETRAYALS.

Location: New England

Nicole DeMarco Sebastian (39; aka Nikki) is short, has a bumpy nose, dimples, a younger half-sister named Dana (31), and works at a local magazine. Her parents died 5 years ago in a car accident. She lost a pregnancy 7 years ago, and although they were devastated by the loss, they felt they ultimately felt they weren't ready yet. Now, she has been struggling with infertility for two years with her husband, Kyle Sebastian. Kyle is a brown haired, blue-gray eyed carpenter who has a cleft chin. Kyle plays hockey in a local league to blow off steam. Kyle is tired of the fertility cycle and what it is doing to his wife and marriage, so when their latest attempt failed, he told Nicole he didn't want to try again. He even went so far as discussing it with Nicole's doctor behind her back. Nicole desperately wants a baby to honor her parents' legacy, so she withdraws money from her 401k without consulting Kyle, then lies to him telling him it was a work bonus. When Kyle finds out the truth, he feels betrayed and leaves. That night, he slept with a young singer in the hockey bar he frequents. Kyle and Nicole reconcile, but Kyle forces her to acknowledge that she's choosing to give up her desire for a baby. Then Kyle finds out the young woman he slept with is pregnant. Kyle hides it for a few days but ultimately confesses to Nicole, who immediately kicked him out. While they're apart, Dana gives Nicole the puppy she just bought because she can't have him at her apartment. Of course, Nicole falls in love with the puppy, the puppy gets sick, Nicole didn't have her phone, so Kyle was called, and the puppy brings them back together. Nicole meets with the young woman who plans to have Kyle's daughter and then sign away her parental rights to pursue a music career in Nashville. Nicole isn't certain she could raise the product of her husband's affair. Dana takes her puppy back. Nicole then finds out the man who raised her isn't her father. Her aunt finally reveals that the man who betrayed Nicole and Dana when he went back on their agreement about the girls' parents' restaurant they sold him is actually her father. She talked to him and learned that he had invested in her parents' business, and the man who raised her told her mother it was money to get rid of Nicole. He didn't find out about Nicole until she was 10 years old. He immediately made the effort to be in her life without giving away her parents' secret so that Nicole's life wouldn't be disrupted. In the end, Nicole and Kyle are together raising Kyle's daughter, and Nicole and her biological father are on better terms. JP

Was the story interesting? Yes. Did I enjoy it? I enjoyed 45% of it. Would I recommend it? No.

Side characters: Dr Evans (Nicole's doctor); Izzy (Nicole and Dana's aunt; 3 years older than Gianna); Hank Pendleton (Nicole's biological father; hockey star); Dominic DeMarco (aka Dom; Nicole's step-father and Dana's dad; deceased); Gianna (Nicole and Dana's mom; deceased); Casey Casey Flanagan (bar signer; slept with Kyle; Kyle's daughter's biological mother)

0 out of 5 on my spice scale

1st read and listen 01-27-24

Predictable

The narrator did an awesome job but overall, the story was predictable. All the plot twists weren’t really plot twists. I was able to predict the entire storyline while listening to the book. I still finished it, hoping that I was wrong, but I was right about the “plot twists”. However, the book was still very well written, and I would still listen to it again.

meh

the main character was not likeable. Maybe relatable. depth wasn't there. she was a bit superficial. it was okay. surprising ending

All it Could Have Been

Overall the story was unimpressive. It started slow and continued to trudge on. The only reason I kept listening is because I had the ability to make it go faster. If you want a mostly monotone voice about middle class women’s issues in the background then this is the audiobook for you

Wrap everything in a tight bow

A well-written, yet implausible story about lies and betray wrapped up in a pretty bow. Also, babies don’t solve marital problems.