Ace

What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex

By: Angela Chen

Narrated by: Natalie Naudus

Length: 7 hrs and 43 mins

Publisher's summary

An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that's obsessed with sexual attraction, and what the ace perspective can teach all of us about desire and identity.

What exactly is sexual attraction, and what is it like to go through life not experiencing it? What does asexuality reveal about gender roles, about romance and consent, and the pressures of society? This accessible examination of asexuality shows that the issues that aces face - confusion around sexual activity, the intersection of sexuality and identity, navigating different needs in relationships - are the same conflicts that nearly all of us will experience. Through a blend of reporting, cultural criticism, and memoir, Ace addresses the misconceptions around the "A" of LGBTQIA and invites everyone to rethink pleasure and intimacy.

Journalist Angela Chen creates her path to understanding her own asexuality with the perspectives of a diverse group of asexual people. Vulnerable and honest, these stories include a woman who had blood tests done because she was convinced that "not wanting sex" was a sign of serious illness, and a man who grew up in a religious household and did everything "right", only to realize after marriage that his experience of sexuality had never been the same as that of others. Disabled aces, aces of color, gender-nonconforming aces, and aces who both do and don't want romantic relationships all share their experiences navigating a society in which a lack of sexual attraction is considered abnormal. Chen's careful cultural analysis explores how societal norms limit understanding of sex and relationships and celebrates the breadth of sexuality and queerness.

©2020 Angela Chen (P)2020 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

“[Ace] is a [thoughtful] combination of reportage, cultural criticism and memoir, and the writing attempts the difficult balance between proof and emotion. [Most striking is] Chen’s honesty, the sentences of intimate reflection that appear in the margins of her argument throughout.” —The New York Times

“Ace is a fantastic starting point for dismantling harmful sexual narratives and reimagining human connection as a broader, more equitable, enjoyable and free experience.” —Washington Post

“The book allows us to imagine how much more we could get from our relationships if we were able to free ourselves from restrictive ideas of what we’re supposed to feel and do.” —Rhaina Cohen, NPR

Improving Understanding

I’m generally unsympathetic to discussions of LGBT+ issues, but ACE got a good review from the New York Times so I bought it and listened to it. It’s like a challenge to consider other points of view, and the author presents a challenge to conventional thinking and is successful, I think. I resist giving 5-star ratings, but ACE deserves it.

I never knew how bad I needed this

This book was so validating to so much of me. I wish I had had this available when I was younger. Maybe it would have helped me find myself soon and helped me be more confident in who I am, and the beauty and complexity that come with it. It is a beautifully written and expertly combines research, narrative, emotion and structure. The narrator also did a fantastic job. Absolutely perfect!

I’m ace and I loved this

Im aro ace but just came out recently and don’t know much about the community. I really recommend this book if you want to know more about ace culture and the problems people face

A great overview

I'm new to the possibility of being on the ace spectrum and so much of this was clarifying and it really encourages me to dive deeper into my own desires and values. Very thorough and compassionate.

Mind and life altering

This book not only opened up my eyes and helped me understand my ace partner better, but it made me completely rethink my taken for granted views on sex as a whole. This book is very well written, incredibly thoughtful and will challenge everything you know about sex.

I felt so seen

This book haunts me, in the best possible way. I have never had the challenges and intimacies of my life so laid out for me before.
I will need every single person who would love me read it.

one of the most eye opening books ive ever read

i expected this book to be either too basic or too complex, but i found myself absolutely loving how angela chen describes with clarity foreign concepts that ive never been introduced to in my life. this book is truly a manifesto of asexuality and one of the most eye opening books ive ever read. the pace is perfect for an audiobook and the experience of reading it surprisingly enjoyable for non fiction. my favorite topics discussed were consent, amatonormativity, and the percieved but not truly different nature of romance vs platonic closeness. because of this book, my views on friendship and romance are forever changed, and im glad they are. 10/10 experience, would absolutely recommend.

Helpful

A little dry as I would expect an informative book of this type to be, but helpful in increasing my understanding, and at times very thought-provoking.

This book made my whole life make sense!

THANK YOU Angela Chen for putting into words what I never could until now! Your work on this subject has made my personal life (or lack thereof, depending on how you look at it *wink wink*) feel like a treasure trove of possibilities. When my childhood friends pretended to get married and play house, I wanted to play dinosaur instead. I didn’t understand the appeal. When they started putting up Leonardo DiCaprio posters, rather than pretend to take care of imaginary horses with me, I felt like an alien. All the frustrating intimate encounters I have had that felt not entirely consensual, but not entirely coerced either, all make sense now. Everything. Thank you a million times over for opening this door for me. I truly hope your book will empower more and more people, ace and not, to explore this subject in depth. We need it.

Never Have I Ever Felt So Seen

This was a beautiful inside look into the community. It's much more complex living outside of the box, when most of the world live in it.

I felt seen by this and I'm glad I was able to read it during ACE Week this year.

10/10 will recommend.