A Clean Mess
A Memoir of Sobriety After a Lifetime of Being Numb
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A Clean Mess
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Narrated by:
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Tiffany Jenkins
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By:
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Tiffany Jenkins
About this listen
The bestselling author of High Achiever reckons with life after addiction in this darkly funny and emotionally raw new memoir
“For as long as I can remember my mind was like a train with only three stops. Stop number one—getting money for drugs. Stop number two—getting drugs. Stop number three—getting high. During the years I should have been learning to save money, file taxes, and pay bills, I was stuck on a train to nowhere. Now somehow my train was on a brand-new course to somewhere I’d never been, and I was the friggin’ conductor.”
After a brutal struggle with opioid addiction that landed her four months in prison, Tiffany was ready for a fresh start. What she didn't expect was just how fast life would happen once she was out of prison. She went from felon to married, sober mom of three in just two years. But life doesn’t stop happening; her marriage collapsed a few years later, a crisis that forced her reckoning with the foundations of her mental health and sobriety.
As she forged her future, Tiffany learned to feel emotions and live life without numbing herself with drugs. She had to figure out how to be a mom, how to have a career, how to be married, how to get divorced, how to be an adult, and how to have feelings all at the same time. With dark humor and page-turning storytelling, she shows how she learned to survive when her crutches and band aids were taken away from her, and the gratitude and peace she found on the other side of addiction.
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 71
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Story4 out of 5 stars 71
Leslie Jamison has become one of our most beloved contemporary voices, a scribe of the real, the true, the complex. But while Jamison has never shied away from challenging material—scouring her own psyche and digging into our most unanswerable questions across four books—Splinters enters a new realm. In her first memoir, Jamison turns her unrivaled powers of perception on some of the most intimate relationships of her life: her consuming love for her young daughter, a ruptured marriage once swollen with hope, and the shaping legacy of her own parents’ complicated bond.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Felt too self indulgent - even for a memoir
- By Kristin H on 09-27-24
By: Leslie Jamison
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Stash
- My Life in Hiding
- By: Laura Cathcart Robbins
- Narrated by: Laura Cathcart Robbins
- Length: 9 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 192
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 179
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 180
After years of hiding her addiction from everyone—stockpiling pills in her Louboutins and elaborately scheduling her withdrawals between PTA meetings, baby showers, and tennis matches—Laura Cathcart Robbins is running out of places to hide. She has learned the hard way that even her high-profile marriage and Hollywood lifestyle can’t protect her from the pain she’s keeping bottled up inside. Facing divorce, the possibility of a custody battle, and the insistent voice of internalized racism that nags at her as a Black woman in a white world, Laura wonders just how much more she can take.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Best Mom/wife alcoholism memoir I’ve read
- By Allison M. Billet on 04-06-23
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Strangers and Intimates
- The Rise and Fall of Private Life
- By: Tiffany Jenkins
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall0 out of 5 stars 0
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Performance0 out of 5 stars 0
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Story0 out of 5 stars 0
Tiffany Jenkins’s groundbreaking book traces the emergence of private sanctuaries from authority and public opinion to show that private life is a very recent – and hard-won – achievement. Strangers and Intimates is animated by dramatic human confrontations: from the political struggles in the seventeenth century that led to Edmund Coke’s rallying cry that ‘an Englishman’s home is his castle’; to the first modern privacy panic in 1844, when the British government opened private letters sent to the exiled Italian republican Giuseppe Mazzini; and more.
By: Tiffany Jenkins
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High Achiever
- The Incredible True Story of One Addict's Double Life
- By: Tiffany Jenkins
- Narrated by: Tiffany Jenkins
- Length: 8 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 13,108
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 11,727
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Story5 out of 5 stars 11,678
With heart-racing urgency and unflinching honesty, Jenkins takes you inside the grips of addiction and the desperate decisions it breeds. She is a born storyteller who lived an incredible story, from blackmail by an ex-boyfriend to a soul-shattering deal with a drug dealer, and her telling brims with suspense and unexpected wit. But the true surprise is her path to recovery. Tiffany breaks through the stigma and silence to offer hope and inspiration to anyone battling the disease - whether it’s a loved one or themselves.
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1 out of 5 stars
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I Get it, You Were an Addict
- By Jim Thompson on 10-16-19
By: Tiffany Jenkins
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Spot the Narcissist
- The Ultimate Guide to Becoming Un-Manipulatable
- By: Meadow DeVor
- Narrated by: Meadow DeVor
- Length: 6 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 6
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 6
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Story5 out of 5 stars 6
What if someone close to you isn’t who they seem? The charming friend who twists your words. The partner whose love feels like a trap. The coworker whose actions leave you doubting your own mind. Could they be a narcissist? In Spot the Narcissist: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming Un-Manipulatable, you’ll uncover the hidden signs of toxic behaviors, the manipulation tactics that keep you stuck, and the tools to break free. Whether you’re questioning a current relationship or trying to recover from a past one, this guide is your step-by-step roadmap to clarity, healing, and freedom.
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5 out of 5 stars
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I wish I had this earlier
- By Turtle Dove 93 on 03-27-25
By: Meadow DeVor
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Not Your Average Drug Addict Whore
- A Life So Wrong It Went Right
- By: Sherry Lynne Williams
- Narrated by: Sherry Williams
- Length: 6 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 1
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1
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Story4 out of 5 stars 1
Not Your Average Drug Addict Whore follows the threads linking the extraordinary, oftentimes intense, events of a journey to self-realizing. It is a witness to truth, that a life is never broken, it is purely a singular life on its singular journey.
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Splinters
- Another Kind of Love Story
- By: Leslie Jamison
- Narrated by: Leslie Jamison
- Length: 8 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 72
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 71
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Story4 out of 5 stars 71
Leslie Jamison has become one of our most beloved contemporary voices, a scribe of the real, the true, the complex. But while Jamison has never shied away from challenging material—scouring her own psyche and digging into our most unanswerable questions across four books—Splinters enters a new realm. In her first memoir, Jamison turns her unrivaled powers of perception on some of the most intimate relationships of her life: her consuming love for her young daughter, a ruptured marriage once swollen with hope, and the shaping legacy of her own parents’ complicated bond.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Felt too self indulgent - even for a memoir
- By Kristin H on 09-27-24
By: Leslie Jamison
-
Stash
- My Life in Hiding
- By: Laura Cathcart Robbins
- Narrated by: Laura Cathcart Robbins
- Length: 9 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 192
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 179
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 180
After years of hiding her addiction from everyone—stockpiling pills in her Louboutins and elaborately scheduling her withdrawals between PTA meetings, baby showers, and tennis matches—Laura Cathcart Robbins is running out of places to hide. She has learned the hard way that even her high-profile marriage and Hollywood lifestyle can’t protect her from the pain she’s keeping bottled up inside. Facing divorce, the possibility of a custody battle, and the insistent voice of internalized racism that nags at her as a Black woman in a white world, Laura wonders just how much more she can take.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Best Mom/wife alcoholism memoir I’ve read
- By Allison M. Billet on 04-06-23
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Awake
- A Memoir
- By: Jen Hatmaker
- Narrated by: Jen Hatmaker
- Length: 5 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall0 out of 5 stars 0
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Performance0 out of 5 stars 0
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Story0 out of 5 stars 0
An Avid Reader Press book. Simon & Schuster has a great book for every listener.At 2:30 a.m. on July 11th, 2020, Jen Hatmaker woke up to her husband of twenty-six years whispering in his phone to another woman from their bed. It was the end of life as she knew it. In the months that followed, she went from being a shiny, funny, popular leader, to a divorced wreck on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds parenting five kids alone with no clue about her own bank accounts.
By: Jen Hatmaker
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My Next Breath
- A Memoir
- By: Jeremy Renner
- Narrated by: Jeremy Renner
- Length: 6 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall0 out of 5 stars 0
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Performance0 out of 5 stars 0
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Story0 out of 5 stars 0
Two-time Oscar nominee Jeremy Renner was the second-most-googled person in 2023—and not for his impressive filmography. His searing portrayals on film ranged from an Iraq-based army bomb technician in The Hurt Locker and a Boston bank robber in The Town to a crooked Camden mayor in American Hustle before he became heir to the Jason Bourne franchise (The Bourne Legacy). Amongst other iconic roles, he also captured hearts as fan-favorite comic book marksman Hawkeye in seven Marvel films.
By: Jeremy Renner
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Stop Bullshitting Yourself
- By: Drew Hanlen
- Narrated by: Chris Abell
- Length: 3 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 9
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 9
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 9
Legendary NBA trainer Drew Hanlen—performance coach to stars like MVP Joel Embiid and Jayson Tatum—reveals his proven, step-by-step system for personal and professional transformation that has fueled the success of some of the top athletes and business leaders in the world.
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4 out of 5 stars
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The interactive pages
- By jr. on 03-10-25
By: Drew Hanlen
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Heavily Meditated
- The Fast Path to Remove Your Triggers, Dissolve Stress, and Activate Inner Peace
- By: Dave Asprey
- Narrated by: Dave Asprey
- Length: 10 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall0 out of 5 stars 0
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Performance0 out of 5 stars 0
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Story0 out of 5 stars 0
In his twenties, Dave Asprey battled debilitating brain fog and chronic fatigue syndrome. Frustrated by his broken brain, he embarked on a lifelong quest to upgrade his “MeatOS”—to fix his brain, biohack his biology to live past the age of 180, and push the boundaries of human potential. Asprey discovered that cultivating a mentally and physically healthy life depends on a solid grounding for our inner life. Now, in this, his sixth book, he shares the mind-blowing discoveries he has found.
By: Dave Asprey
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The Power of Positive Mindset
- Learn How to Overcome Negative Thought Patterns, Breakthrough Limiting Beliefs, and Manifest True Transformation with Focus and Clarity
- By: Joseph Monfils
- Narrated by: Michael Hanko
- Length: 4 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall0 out of 5 stars 0
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Performance0 out of 5 stars 0
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Story0 out of 5 stars 0
In The Power of Positive Mindset, you’ll discover how to shift your thinking, overcome negative thought patterns, and break free from the limiting beliefs that have been holding you back. This transformative guide offers you the tools and techniques needed to rewire your mind for success, allowing you to manifest the life you’ve always dreamed of with focus and clarity.
By: Joseph Monfils
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Who Deserves Your Love
- How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship
- By: KC Davis LPC
- Narrated by: KC Davis LPC
- Length: 5 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall0 out of 5 stars 0
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Performance0 out of 5 stars 0
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Story0 out of 5 stars 0
KC Davis, the renowned therapist who specializes in difficult relationships, asks and answers these questions. Just as she helps you design a functional home in How to Keep House While Drowning, here she applies the same bold but gentle approach to relationships so that they function, too. She helps you navigate decisions in every type of relationship, whether romantic or platonic. Recognizing that it isn’t always realistic to cut loose the people who rattle you, she explores how to protect yourself in those situations.
By: KC Davis LPC
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Life Is a Lazy Susan of Sh*t Sandwiches
- By: Jennifer Welch, Angie Sullivan
- Length: 12 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall0 out of 5 stars 0
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Performance0 out of 5 stars 0
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Story0 out of 5 stars 0
Long before their blockbuster podcast, I’ve Had It, Jennifer Welch and Angie “Pumps” Sullivan were simply two best friends, supporting each other through the ups and downs of life. Together they’ve celebrated family milestones and cheered on professional successes, but they’ve weathered the storms together too. When Jennifer’s husband battled alcoholism and drug addiction, she turned to Angie for support. When Angie’s own marriage began to crumble, she turned to Jennifer. And crucially, through it all they’ve kept one another laughing in stitches.
By: Jennifer Welch, and others
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Barbara O’Neill Natural Remedies Complete Collection
- The Ultimate Guide to Self-Healing & Herbal Medicine - How to Naturally Improve Your Health with Simple and Effective Plant Remedies
- By: Evelyn Greenwood
- Narrated by: Bernadine Bornman
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 40
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 40
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Story5 out of 5 stars 40
Here’s the cold, hard truth: your body was designed to heal itself. You just need to give it the tools it’s been begging for. And that’s exactly where Barbara O’Neill’s Natural Remedies Complete Collection comes in. This isn’t some fluffy "wellness" book filled with vague advice. This is your step-by-step guide to taking back control of your health—naturally. With simple, proven remedies and strategies you can start using TODAY, you’ll finally get the results you’ve been chasing.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Thank you!
- By Anna on 02-10-25
By: Evelyn Greenwood
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I'm Still Here
- A Dog's Purpose Forever
- By: Cathryn Michon
- Narrated by: Cathryn Michon
- Length: 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 5
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 5
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 5
Losing one’s dog is one of the most difficult experiences we go through and it’s hard to find solace. However, the profound, four-legged narrator of I’m Still Here has nothing but good news for humans. The free verse is equally rhapsodic about the eternal nature of our souls and the amazing sound of crinkly wrappers that means cheese is about to be sliced. This very good dog proclaims that love never dies, that we will meet again, and that if you ever doubted that humans are magnificent creatures, look no further than the humble ball.
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5 out of 5 stars
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oh what a comforting book
- By kathleen brett on 03-18-25
By: Cathryn Michon
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The Absent Father Effect on Daughters
- Father Desire, Father Wounds
- By: Susan E. Schwartz
- Narrated by: Ann Sprinkle
- Length: 10 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall0 out of 5 stars 0
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Performance0 out of 5 stars 0
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Story0 out of 5 stars 0
The Absent Father Effect on Daughters investigates the impact of absent—physically or emotionally—and inadequate fathers on the lives and psyches of their daughters through the perspective of Jungian analytical psychology. This book tells the stories of daughters who describe the insecurity of self, the splintering and disintegration of the personality, and the silencing of voice.
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The Next Day
- Transitions, Change, and Moving Forward
- By: Melinda French Gates
- Narrated by: Melinda French Gates
- Length: 3 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall0 out of 5 stars 0
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Performance0 out of 5 stars 0
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Story0 out of 5 stars 0
In a rare window into some of her life’s pivotal moments, Melinda French Gates draws from previously untold stories to offer a new perspective on encountering transitions. Melinda will reflect on some of the most significant transitions in her own life, including becoming a parent, the death of a dear friend, and her departure from the Gates Foundation. The stories she tells illuminate universal lessons about loosening the bonds of perfectionism, helping friends navigate times of crisis, embracing uncertainty, and more.
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All the Way to the River
- Love, Loss, and Liberation
- By: Elizabeth Gilbert
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Gilbert
- Length: 13 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall0 out of 5 stars 0
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Performance0 out of 5 stars 0
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Story0 out of 5 stars 0
In 2000, Elizabeth Gilbert met Rayya. They became friends, then best friends, then inseparable. When tragedy entered their lives, the truth was finally laid bare: The two were in love. They were also a pair of addicts, on a collision course toward catastrophe. What if your most beautiful love story turned into your biggest nightmare? What if the dear friend who taught you so much about your self-destructive tendencies became the unstable partner with whom you disastrously reenacted every one of them? And what if your most devastating heartbreak opened a pathway to your greatest awakening?