Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’ve been leading Betrayal & Beyond groups. Sometimes I’ll have women whose husbands are involved in paraphilia and I wonder how to help them. (Cross dressing, exhibitionism, anonymous sex with other men even though they are not homosexual, etc.) I haven’t seen or heard any advice from PD on this subject. Can you offer some encouraging things I could share with them? I don’t want to make them feel worse by saying the wrong thing.
• What are the thoughts around women reading fictional books that have spicy scenes? Is it wrong across the board? My husband has been in Seven Pillars and Compassionate Warrior groups and I've gone through a Betrayal & Beyond group. My thought for the books being acceptable is reading about women who actually have a sex drive and are passionate about being intimate with their partner. A freedom they must have in the fictional world without a betrayal in their history. Lol.
• I'm looking for advice on where Christian women can learn specific ways to enhance their sex life. In my youth, I read secular magazines with tips on touching a man’s body, but now, as a Christian, I want to avoid non-God-honoring content and porn. Our sex life is decent, but I want to improve it. I've read several Christian books on sex, but they feel too basic. After 18 years of marriage, any tips on spicing things up?
  

Sheila Wray Gregoire's Resoureces

The Gift of Sex by Cliff & Joyce Penner

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I left my abusive marriage for the safety of my children and myself, and my ex-husband has since passed away. As I grow through recovery and faith, I've started considering dating again. However, I've begun having intrusive thoughts about whether the men around me are engaging in problematic behaviors like masturbation and porn. Do you have any suggestions for minimizing these intrusive thoughts or handling them when they occur?
• My husband has been working on recovery through Seven Pillars and Compassionate Warrior, and I’ve done Betrayal & Beyond. While he’s making progress, I’m struggling to sleep next to him (actually sleep). He acted out in our bed during most of our marriage, and now sleep feels vulnerable. Though I trust he's not acting out, I wake up panicked with vivid dreams and flooded thoughts of his betrayal. We’ve set boundaries around sleeping together, but it doesn’t feel like a healthy arrangement. What should I do?
• I’m questioning the concept of "erotic haze" in my relationship. What can you tell me about it? My partner is “sober” but still feels unsafe to me emotionally and physically. While he acknowledges the issues of porn and masturbation, he’s resistant to recognizing other problematic behaviors tied to his sexual history. We’re five years past D-Day, and progress is slow despite treatment efforts: inpatient twice, Seven Pillars, and currently Compassionate Warrior. He struggles with manipulation and control, and I’ve detached myself to focus on my own healing. I need validation and education to better understand this process and my feelings.

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

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Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.org

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer these questions:

- I’m 27 and married for four years with no kids. Six months in, I discovered my husband’s porn addiction and his solicitation of a prostitute. Over the years, he’s continued deceptive behavior, including porn use on a hidden phone, and refusing counseling. In February 2025, he received a threatening call from the 'cartel' (not the first time in our marriage). Though he promises to change, I no longer believe him. I’m considering creating my own life in another state while he works on recovery. Should I continue in this marriage?

- After 29 years of marriage, I’m newly single following my husband’s affair. He’s a Christian pastor who walked away from our marriage, claiming God released him, while he’s with a younger woman. Six months after discovering his betrayal, I’m finally starting to recover from the shock. I’m left with our kids, the house, and all the responsibilities. I’m struggling with the pain and confusion, missing him at times, and questioning how to focus my desires on God long-term. Why is healthy sexuality so difficult for many, and where is the church's accountability?

- How do you deal with a husband's betrayal and the affair partner who gave birth to his baby 5 months ago? I made a decision to stay with him despite this but it is impossible to expect no contact when they have to communicate about the baby. Any suggestions?

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)