Send us a text

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Don't approach your one year (from last 'Acting out) sobriety, as an end to the work. Don't do 'out of sight out of mind'; 'I never want to see that Recovery Programme material again'. Don't do it like that - at the end.

'I can stop reciting my 'Pillars' now. I can stop....I can stop.... I can stop....yipppppeeeeee'

Well - Yes and No - you can stop certain things; but not others.

It is important to keep doing your Rewards & Treats.

It is important to mark anniversary sobriety dates (every year)

It is important to keep your Relapse Prevention Plan reviewed and updated

It is important that you still practice R.U.N

It is important to use your 'Pillars'

It is important to keep a Relapse Prevention card on your phone/wallet/purse with essential contact phone numbers updated

It is important to still subscribe to a Porn Blocker

It is important to 6 monthly review 'Triggers' and how they may have changed

It is important to have a further block of EMDR sessions to address current issues arising

It is important to review your 'Love Language' and how it may have changed

It is important to review your 'Core Emotional Needs' Exercise

It is important to review the 'Couples Recovery Plan' - that you signed and dated

It is important to review your 'Values' and the 'Values Exercise' and any ongoing compromises

It is important to review 'Pinches & Crunches' with your partner

..........to achieve a lifetime of Sobriety.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Help is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

You need to applaud yourself on a job well done - to have got this far - at least one year from last Acting out. Now work towards achieving contentment.

Life is a balancing act. On the one hand, you need to keep old habits at bay. Yet, on the other hand, you need to build new meaningful activities, to make life a pleasure. Yes, a pleasure!

You can't jeopardise quality of life because you are watching for Relapse in the rear view mirror. Relapse is real. Maintaining the gain (of sobriety) is necessary work. Relapse is snapping at the eels of sobriety.

Consider creating a Plan of Action to maintain the gain and limit the risk of Relapse. One action plan is to identify 10 High Risk factors. Write them down. Then write down your plan for dealing with each and everyone, when it manifests.

That becomes your Safety Plan for long term sobriety. If you can see the triggers; anticipate them; plan for them; practice the plan - then you are part way there to overcoming them. 'Practice makes perfect!'

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Help is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Relapse Prevention tools are for life. Why?

Because the neural Pathway that was opened, created and practised for many years, is dominant, but has the potential to be reactivated in an instant. It is easier to reactivate it and it becoming larger than life, for those with a past addiction, than for those without a past addiction.

The way that I view it is like this: For those who never had a sex addiction, it will take a little while to establish the neural pathway, drawing them back into repeated practice. For those, however, who previously had the addiction, but closed it down and it lay dormant (not necessary entirely extinct), relapse is as fast as a Tornado jet.

Reactivation can go from 0 to 500 knots in seconds. Therefore, you will be on permanent 'watching brief' for triggers that could catapult you back into re-opening the dominant neutral pathway at lightning speed.

The Kairos Centre does not consider sobriety has been achieved until a minimum of 1 year from the last 'Acting out'. It will take that sort of time to beginning to cause the neutral pathway to be gathering cobwebs; at the same time, the new replacement positive neutral pathways being developed (from the Recovery Programme tools being practised) - to become the new default.

Boundaries, reminders, anniversary celebration of milestones, continued Rewards & Treats, as well as a tried and tested - repeatedly practised - Relapse Prevention plan, are just some of the tools in the 'Avoiding Relapse' and 'Maintenance' armoury - that will be needed.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Help is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

When all your Recovery Programme tools, skills and resources are not coming to your aid - have failed you - just R.U.N. There are times when all else fails and R.U.N really is the last option available to you in that moment.

Don't debate with yourself; don't rationalise it; don't question it; don't procrastinate - as to whether you truly are about to 'Act out'. Just pick up your car and house keys and get out of that place immediately; get out of that place where you know the 'Acting out' is about to happen.

What is R.U.N?

R= Remove yourself immediately from the situation.

U= Undistort your thinking - but probably this is already too late to do; since to undistorted, requires logical pre-cortex involvement - in the form of thinking; but thinking logically will already be compromised and giving way to Limbic brain (emotional brain) - which part of the brain is all about an emotional response. Logic is offline and Limbic brain is about to make some major bridge burning decisions in the absence of logic.

N= Never forget what you have to lose; but once again, that involves pre-cortex logical and rational thinking; which is already being compromised and so is no longer reliable.

You need to do a R.U.N dry run, at a time when all is well. Practice makes perfect after all. Do repeated dummy runs to learn how to R.U.N when the times comes.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Help is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

'Brain, I'm telling you - you don't fight fair. Underhand. Dirty. I'm trying to do this for us. Are you listening to me?'

I do a strange thing with everyone of my Sex Addiction clients. Multi-talented as I am, I do brain surgery on each one. (Mine is a bit crude and I don't use anaesthesia!)

I cut off the top of the skull of each of my clients. I lift their brain out of their skull and put it on the chair next to them. (Don't forget to take it with you when you leave client).

Why do I do something so bizarre like that? I want to highlight the fact that in Sex Addiction work, your brain is NOT necessarily your best friend. It will sabotage. It will work against you. (At least initially, until it gets to know and like the repeated good outcomes and also built-in 'Treats & Rewards').

It does not like me the Therapist. It does not trust me and is cautioning you against me. After-all, you are working with me to dismantle and take away a coping strategy which your brain gave you all those many years ago - which it believes 'works' and has been 'working' for many years, to manage you; the Addiction.

Here is what a further conversation with your brain on the other chair, might sound like: "They work. So why are you and that busy-body Therapist seeking to dismantle them? Even worse; I don't know what you are going to replace them with and so why should I trust you, work with you and help you? I am going to put up a fight and give you Cognitive Distortions. That will dilute the truth of your situation(s), so that you give up this Recovery Programme attempt at changing what works - good enough all those past years''.

Your brain on the other chair has diluted and trivialised the shame impact, the damage caused and the poorer quality of life. As if it has amnesia.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Help is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Undistort your Cognitive Distortions. How?

What are Cognitive Distortions? Examples might be:

'All guys do it', 'At least I am no longer visiting porn sites', 'I'll only be on here for 5 minutes, no longer', 'What I do, is not as bad as...', 'What an horrendous day. I deserve....', 'I can't help it'

It is reasonable for you to have a conversation with your brain, like this: "Brain, you are supposed to be on my side. There are times when I have found you out. You have not been telling me the whole truth. Whose side are you on in this Addiction Recovery journey? What is this that I am learning about you giving me Cognitive Distortions?"

Unless you spot a Cognitive Distortion, you won't realise that you are just 10 Minutes away from 'Acting out' and you are at Preparation Stage on the Cycle of Sex Addiction:

ACTING OUT ---> REGRET --> RECONSTITUTION -->DORMANT -->TRIGGER --PREPARATION -->ACTING OUT -->

When you recognise and see the Cognitive Distortion, don't debate with it; don't question its truth; don't linger; don't procrastinate. Immediately R.U.N. (We will look at R.U.N in a future episode).

For now, you need space away from the place where the 'Acting out' WILL take place, in order to undistorted your Cognition - your Thinking.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Help is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Negative Core Beliefs are often hidden from view. Often disguised; but masquerade as truths.

They live in the unconscious. Not easily touchable. They work away in the hidden place doing their worst. They are uninvited guests. They have over stayed their invitation; live rent free and are doing damage, which adversely impacts quality of living life. They need to be gone after and expelled.

Since you cannot change that which you cannot see - because they live in the unconscious - you have to go hunting for them. Get your hunting gear on. We are going hunting.

Remember 'C' first, then 'B' follows in CBT. Your (C)ognitive will always lead to your eventual (B)ehaviour. Don't try to first change the 'B'. Begin with the 'C'. Negative Core Beliefs are a part of the 'C'.

You need to find them, recognise them, acknowledge them, highlight them, then get ready to turf them out - as you progress through the Change Process.

What are these 'Negative Core Beliefs'? They are an individuals most central ideas and Beliefs about themselves (and can also be about others and the world). They act as a lens through which the person takes their vantage point - through which they view self, life and experiences. They can be all encompassing. Very global. Very rigid Beliefs.

Negative Core Beliefs are Harmful Core Beliefs. They lead to Negative Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviours. Examples are: 'I am a failure', 'I am weak', 'I am unloveable', 'No one likes me', 'I don't deserve....', 'People can't be trusted'.

They are hard to own and accept that they have been bought into; yet, they have been in residency for years, rent free (would you believe it!)

Time to see them out; on their way; good riddance; hasta la vista.

Understand that over time, keeping them going is arduous, labour intensive (without knowing it) and leads to an increased desire to self-soothe by 'Acting out'. That is why Negative Core Beliefs are a big deal in the Recovery Process.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Help is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachmen

Send us a text

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Create new thinking to change the behaviour. How? A step at a time, to re-wire the brain.

Create new Neural Pathways progressively over time. What is this thing called Neural Pathways? The hamster wheel patterns of behaviours. Those habits. The programming so that when you "feel", you "think", then you "do".

At least, that's how it started out in the early days. Then repetition, took out the need to "think". "I feel", got paired up with "I do" and no brain thinking was needed any longer.

The neural pathway was reinforced by repeat habit/hamster wheel use, such that it became an automatic, even autonomic response. (Thinking = Cognition), lead to Behaviour. The pairing became entrenched and so to change the patterns of what are paired up, means rewiring the brain with new positive pairings.

Yep, that sounds painful, but actually we won't need to call in a Neurosurgeon for brain surgery, to do it. The Kairos Centre can do it much cheaper.

Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. www.kairos-centre.com.

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |