Today we're going to talk about the fairly sticky subject of the difference between expectations, demands, and boundaries. In this "second time around" episode, Christine Mathias, Dr. Margaret's communication manager, lets us in to how her younger self struggled with setting good boundaries - and why this particular episode meant a lot to her.

Here are some questions to ask yourself.

What do you do when you feel disappointed by others? Do you isolate or judge? Do you get mad or sulk? Could it be that your very expectations are the problem? Is it different to voice your expectations than it is to secretly have them? Or is that playing a game that the other person doesn’t know you’re playing? And how do boundaries fit in here?

The listener email for today is from a young 21 year-old who feels tremendous loyalty to her family and feels “needed” by them. But she also feels very stuck and admits she can hold onto a victim mentality. She’s dealing with enmeshment it sounds like.. She’s asking how she can take baby steps to start living more independently… Wonderful question and I’ll do my best to give her some ideas.

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – a free $76 value for new trials with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Today on SelfWork, the focus is on how to work through disappointment.

John Crowley, my friend and incredible production engineer, chose this episode as one of his "second time around" favorites to present to you in my absence. My immense gratitude to him for taking the wheel!

What are the seven steps to work through disappointment? Here they are!

• Grieve first.
• Start getting perspective right off the bat.
• Consider and acknowledge what your own part was or is in creating the disappointment. That's utilizing your internal locus control.
• Acknowledge what you couldn't control, utilizing your external locus control.
• Build back your energy, enthusiasm by choosing to do things that will bring you pleasure. And those dopamine receptors will love that.
• Look for the windows that are opening as that door closes. Again, you might need friends to do that.
• Reassess your disappointment. Take time in the next two or three months or even six months to look back and say, “All right, how do I perceive that disappointment now?"

The listener voicemail is from someone who listened to my YouTube episode on enmeshment and wants to learn more!

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

How are you supposed to live a normal life when "home" was chaos? That's the topic of today's SelfWork. and it's triggered by a very frank email from a listener whose kept his chaos secret for many years.

We can tend to keep secret the fact that home was chaos – you can fear being judged for it, even though you didn’t cause it. Please heed a trigger warning; the story is hard to hear. And if there was significant trauma in your own childhood, then please listen carefully.

You'll also listen to a voicemail that was sent to me years ago now but a woman who’d tried to talk with her therapist about her identifying with perfectly hidden depression. And her therapist argued with her – saying there was no way she fit criteria for depression. It’s a stunning problem to have… when your therapist’s lens doesn’t allow them to see what you’re trying to say to them. And it’s a special problem with perfectly hidden depression.

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!