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What’s been keeping me up? Stranger danger! Remember, when we used to teach our children not to talk to strangers? We told them no one should touch our private parts. To keep them private. We instilled in them to look both ways before crossing the street. Now parents are forcing their children to, not only TALK to STRANGERS but to PAY those strangers to dance for them, while they show off their bodies. We are PROMOTING promiscuity. We are teaching our children to run into the highway and stop traffic to protest! Not only should we not look both ways but we should just run DIRECTLY in to ONCOMING TRAFFIC! We used to teach our kids that throwing tantrums was NOT the way to get what you want. Now all Dems do is cry and throw fits to try to get what they want. It’s insane. It’s keeping me up and I’m not happy about it.

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Is it sad when a person pays more attention to a cute DOG OVER a cute MAN? What if it’s SEVERAL cute men, half NAKED on stage DANCING? To be specific, five hot men, grinding on stage, Magic Mike style? Well, call me sad. The dog had my attention from the beginning. I also discuss elevator awkwardness and edict and eternally optimistic people. These are the things keeping me up at night.

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What’s keeping me awake? Being all crazy aware. Worried if I fall asleep someone will die. Seriously, I panic when I fall asleep. It’s been my experience, shit goes down when I let my guard down. Gotta keep aware. Be ready. Now I’m neurotic! But hey, I’m trying to live life. Enjoy it while I can. Take in the good. Soak it up…

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