In this intimate conversation, Melissa LeSane opens up about the messiness of living through transition—stepping away from her role as a therapist, navigating a marriage of over two decades, entering a new relationship, and rediscovering herself as a sensitive, spiritual being.

What begins as a discussion on non-monogamy turns into a reflection on how presence—not perfection—is the path back to wholeness. Melissa and Courtney explore the weight of expectations, emotional overstimulation, and the courage to allow identity to shift in real time.

There's a stigma about breakups that you're only supposed to remember and recall the negative so you stay away, heal, don't go back. Especially for men, we're supposed to get someone younger, hotter, make more money, and get hotter. And to do this, you almost have to over-identify with this smallness of self and lean into that negative state.

I choose differently. I don't Miss my Ex. I miss my Motherfucking Homie ya'll. I've tried to just keep this to myself but it won't stay and I feel the pressure build up and as I navigate convos it seeps out unconsciously. So I took my time, wrote this, slept on it, reflected, and feel like this validates my own identity as someone navigating grief.

bell hooks defined "queer" as a way of describing oneself without being confined by fixed definitions or labels. It's about acknowledging one's authenticity and living a life that aligns with that self, even if it doesn't fit neatly into conventional categories like "gay" or "straight." For hooks, being queer also meant being at odds with societal norms and finding ways to thrive on one's own terms.

In this solo episode, I explore how queer community, education, and presence have deeply influenced my understanding of masculinity—not by changing who I am, but by giving me the freedom to express it with more honesty, softness, and presence.

As a cisgender heterosexual Black man, I’ve found more validation of my identity in queer spaces than in the spaces I was told I “belonged” in. This episode is a reflection on that truth, especially at the intersection of Pride and Men’s Mental Health Month.

I also share how stigma—specifically herpes stigma—has been a gateway into deeper self-inquiry around identity, performance, and liberation. Using Bell Hooks’ definition of queerness as a guide, I talk about how embracing the challenge of unbecoming has brought me closer to who I actually am.

This is for anyone rethinking what masculinity looks like when it’s not measured in dominance or stats—but in connection, curiosity, and care.