In this episode of Selfed, I reflect on what it means to be a straight Black man in queer spaces—without trying to fix, take, or define the room. I explore how anime characters like Tanjiro from Demon Slayer model a version of masculinity that isn’t about dominance or ego, but alignment, empathy, and rhythm. I talk about presence as an offering, about learning from queer communities and Black women, and about how I’m navigating my identity without trying to prove it. This is a raw stream of thought about challenge, liberation, performance, and how we create from the friction of opposites.

Some additional notes and quotes:

• On masculinity & ideals:

“I think that what society misses in terms of what it means to be a man is those intangible aspects of self—those virtues, values, those ideals, that drive consciousness forward.”

• On queerness & presence:

“I’ve become more comfortable being in the spaces, right? And it’s been practice for me to experience queerness without like making it mine or trying to like take it or take it over.”

• On anime & purpose (Tanjiro):

“Tanjiro’s purpose is so fucking clear—he wants to make his sister human again. He wants to save his sister, and that puts him in an environment that reinforces what his purpose is.”

• On identity & possibility:

“I think that a lot of us know who we are at the expense of being able to find out who we could be.”

• On emotional survival & performance:

“There wasn’t room for how like, that fucking hurt. Don’t do that again. It was ‘yo bitch ass up, get—walk it off,’ right? There wasn’t room for the intention behind things because everything was performed.”

• Shoutout to Dr. Donna Oriowo—sex therapist and author of Drink Water and Mind Your Business—whose AASECT presentation helped me name a lot of what I’ve been processing around identity, embodiment, and emotional honesty.

Hey hey! I read my journal entry this morning that began with me talking about how what I want doesn’t matter. I know I know, but hear me out, it’s really about what the moment calls for because what I want changes and as we know, a successful life calls for stability. The only stable force other than gravity that I’m aware of is presence.

But what is presence, how do we be present “with” or “for” ourselves and others? I’m learning through how atoms behave that it’s about the nurturing of natures through being. Atoms that are becoming what they’re becoming are stable attractors. These attractors call in experiences, people, environments, opportunities, challenges that test the stability and integrity of the atom. When an atom is susceptible to drift, it isn’t stable.

Consistent alignment of beliefs and behaviors reflect stability and that is solidified by presence. When we are present it’s like the undercurrent of living expresses itself through us and we experience it. It being that unifying essence of particles that make us up, protons, electrons, and neutrons just entangling together.

This episode speaks to hopefully something useful to you. I’ve learned a lot about presence from being in sex positive and queer spaces and hope brining it here is helpful to you.

In this episode, I reflect on the storms—both literal and emotional—that have been moving through my life. After the tornado hit St. Louis and forced me into displacement, I found myself back in the same room where my ex and I once stayed. For five days, I dreamt of her. Those dreams held pain, longing, and eventually, closure.

This wasn’t just about her, though. It was a cosmic nudge, reminding me of a path I once knew but had detoured from—my plan to move to New York and fully step into the mission of SPFPP. I didn’t honor my proton’s highest expression; I let the pull of comfort and proximity shift my orbit.

Now, I see the message clearly: alignment is everything. My shell 1 beliefs—freedom and safety—have to guide my shell 2 identity rhythms of curiosity, connection, and creativity. And from there, I can express in shell 3—through work, play, and rest—in ways that stay true to my purpose.

This episode is a reflection on what it means to stay aligned, to release attachments, and to trust the rhythm of your own atom, even when storms shake up your life.