Ha harr! Eleanor and Alasdair read Treasure Island by the Scottish writer Robert Louis Stevenson, who is Scottish. Treasure Island is a tale of deadly danger and dubious male role models — basically like social media today. It's a very famous story, but is it actually good? Will Jim Hawkins's adventure buckle your swashes? And is fifteen men on a dead man's chest just good maritime fun? Or a health and safety nightmare?

Putting the ginger in ginger beer, Eleanor and Alasdair read Five Go To Demon's Rocks by Enid Blyton. The Internet Famous Two join some posh children and a dog on an incredibly dangerous and wholly unsupervised adventure. Does Enid Blyton deserve her controversial reputation? Will the kids survive a week in an abandoned lighthouse? And are all working class people also smugglers?

Eleanor and Alasdair read The Hobbit. J. R. R. Tolkien's 1937 novel is a millennial horror story about a guy who has to attend an unexpected party. It's also a children's fantasy classic, and the inspiration for three obscure art-house films. But is it good? Would Eleanor read it to her hypothetical child? Will Alasdair enjoy reading it for the first time? And is it really possible to tell the dwarves apart?