Marriage is full of seasons—some where you’re both thriving, some where you’re both struggling, and the hardest ones, where one of you is drowning while the other is doing just fine. In this episode, Tera, Echo, and Phyllis get real about what it looks like to stay connected when your partner is in a tough place, how codependency sneaks in without us realizing it, and why we were never meant to carry everything for each other. They unpack the guilt, the resentment, and the loneliness that can show up in these seasons, and share the tools that helped them stop fixing, start seeing, and actually enjoy their marriage again.

Links and Resources:

• Book a discovery call for Overwhelm Overhaul: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://calendly.com/tera-wages/30min⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• To download the Core Emotion Wheel: ⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/wheel⁠⁠⁠
• To enroll in Foundations use the code PODCAST for 20% off: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/marriage-course-online⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Book a coaching session with Dr. Glenn: ⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/marriage-help⁠⁠⁠

(If links are not working, please copy and paste connectioncodes.co to your search bar and look through our site menu!)⁠⁠

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Connect with Echo Hill Vetter:

• Echo Hill Vetter’s Substack | Letters from Nashville: ⁠⁠⁠https://substack.com/@echohillvetter⁠⁠⁠
• Echo on Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/echohillvetter⁠⁠⁠
• Schedule 1:1 Coaching or Group Coaching with Echo: ⁠⁠⁠https://calendly.com/echohillvetter⁠⁠⁠
• Echo’s LinkTree: ⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/echohillvetter

Chapters:

• 00:00:00 – The Part of Marriage No One Prepares You For
• 00:01:06 – Saying the Wrong Name, Every Time
• 00:02:04 – When Life Drains You and Your Spouse Doesn’t Get It
• 00:03:40 – The Worst Thing You Can Do When Your Partner is Struggling
• 00:07:03 – How We Accidentally Made Marriage Impossible
• 00:11:50 – Your Spouse is Not Your Village
• 00:24:18 – Codependency Feels Like Love—Until It’s Not
• 00:28:27 – The Silent Ways We Sabotage Ourselves
• 00:29:06 – The Cost of Ignoring Your Own Body
• 00:31:29 – The Difference Between Asking and Expecting
• 00:33:50 – Speak Now or Resent Later
• 00:35:42 – The Secret to Processing Without Over-Talking
• 00:38:34 – Breaking the Patterns That Keep You Stuck
• 00:49:15 – You Weren’t Meant to Do This Alone
• 00:52:12 – It’s Time to Stop Pretending Everything’s Fine

In this episode, Tera Wages sits down with Phyllis Hill and Echo Hill Vedder to talk about a game-changing concept: desire vs. capacity—the difference between what we want to do and what we actually have the bandwidth for. They discuss how ignoring our capacity leads to burnout, why so many of us push through exhaustion, and how tuning into our bodies can be the key to reclaiming energy and joy. Echo shares how she learned to listen to her body instead of the judge in her head, and Phyllis gets real about hitting empty after years of over-functioning. They explore many ways to grow capacity, shift limiting beliefs, and make space for what truly matters—without guilt or shame. Plus, they break down how emotional processing through Connection Codes helps expand capacity and disrupts the pain cycle not just for ourselves, but for our entire community. If you’re feeling exhausted, stuck, or constantly running on fumes, this episode is a must-listen!

Links and Resources:

• Book a discovery call for Overwhelm Overhaul: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://calendly.com/tera-wages/30min⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• To download the Core Emotion Wheel: ⁠https://connectioncodes.co/wheel⁠⁠
• To enroll in Foundations use the code PODCAST for 20% off: ⁠⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/marriage-course-online⁠⁠⁠
• Book a coaching session with Dr. Glenn: ⁠https://connectioncodes.co/marriage-help⁠⁠

(If links are not working, please copy and paste connectioncodes.co to your search bar and look through our site menu!)⁠⁠

_________________________________________________________________

Connect with Echo Hill Vetter:

• Echo Hill Vetter’s Substack | Letters from Nashville: ⁠⁠https://substack.com/@echohillvetter⁠⁠
• Echo on Instagram: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/echohillvetter⁠⁠
• Schedule 1:1 Coaching or Group Coaching with Echo: ⁠⁠https://calendly.com/echohillvetter⁠⁠
• Echo’s LinkTree: ⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/echohillvetter⁠

Chapters

• 00:00:00 - The Tug-of-War Between Wanting and Doing
• 00:04:10 - A Room Full of Connection Code Coaches
• 00:05:11 - When Your To-Do List Laughs at You
• 00:08:48 - Burnout Doesn’t Knock—It Kicks the Door Down
• 00:11:58 - Your Body is Keeping Score (And It’s Not Looking Good)
• 00:16:33 - Why Some Days You Can Handle It, and Some Days You Can’t
• 00:22:48 - The Science of Saying No (And Actually Meaning It)
• 00:26:57 - The Invisible Cost of Always Saying Yes
• 00:31:37 - The Brain vs. The Body: Who Wins?
• 00:32:34 - When Life Demands More Than You Can Give
• 00:34:38 - SOS: Finding Help Before You Collapse
• 00:36:36 - Systems That Save You From Yourself
• 00:42:56 - Self-Care Isn’t a Luxury—It’s Survival
• 00:48:07 - Why Emotional Processing is the Secret to More Energy
• 00:54:33 - Final Thoughts From Three People Who’ve Been There

In this episode, Tera sits down with trauma-informed coach Echo Vetter to unpack something most of us were never taught—how to process anger in a healthy way. Echo breaks down the difference between core anger and secondary anger, why we misdefine it, and how it actually exists to protect us. She explains how unprocessed anger lives in the body, often showing up as chronic pain, stress, or emotional shutdown, and shares practical ways to reconnect with ourselves so we stop resisting our own energy. Phyllis opens up about her personal journey of storing anger for decades, the toll it’s taken on her health, and the fear that facing it might damage her closest relationships. Echo offers powerful insight on how we can rewire the way we relate to anger—so instead of being afraid of it, we learn to partner with it and let it fuel the change we need.

Links and Resources:

• Book a discovery call for Overwhelm Overhaul: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://calendly.com/tera-wages/30min⁠⁠⁠⁠
• To download the Core Emotion Wheel: https://connectioncodes.co/wheel⁠
• To enroll in Foundations use the code PODCAST for 20% off: ⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/marriage-course-online⁠⁠
• Book a coaching session with Dr. Glenn: https://connectioncodes.co/marriage-help⁠

(If links are not working, please copy and paste connectioncodes.co to your search bar and look through our site menu!)⁠⁠

_________________________________________________________________

Connect with Echo Hill Vetter:

• Echo Hill Vetter’s Substack | Letters from Nashville: ⁠https://substack.com/@echohillvetter⁠
• Echo on Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/echohillvetter⁠
• Schedule 1:1 Coaching or Group Coaching with Echo: ⁠https://calendly.com/echohillvetter⁠
• Echo’s LinkTree: ⁠https://linktr.ee/echohillvetter

Chapters:

• 00:00:00 - The Weight of Unprocessed Anger
• 00:00:37 - Who’s in the Room? Meet the Voices Behind the Mic
• 00:01:48 - A Road Trip, A Wedding, and Deep Talks
• 00:03:27 - Anger Isn’t Just One Thing
• 00:04:26 - Why We Have Anger (And Why We Fear It)
• 00:05:08 - Making Friends with an Uncomfortable Emotion
• 00:09:25 - How to Stop Fighting Your Own Energy
• 00:14:49 - Three Pages a Day: Writing Through Emotion
• 00:23:17 - Why Men and Women Experience Anger Differently
• 00:29:51 - The Moment You Realize You’re Holding More Than You Thought
• 00:30:21 - Is This Anger Mine to Carry?
• 00:32:42 - The Survival Strategies We Never Question
• 00:38:31 - What Happens When You Ignore Your Body’s Signals
• 00:40:26 - How the Judgment Cycle Keeps You Stuck
• 00:42:12 - The Smallest Shift That Changes Everything
• 00:50:38 - The Emotional Tool You Need (That No One Taught You)
• 00:54:04 - Closing Thoughts & What Happens Next