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솔직하게, 상처 주지 않게 [Be Honest, Don't Hurt Me]
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이성보다 감성이 중요한 시대
누구 앞에서나 자신 있는 14가지 감정 능력 만들기
"생각보다 기분을 잘 다루는 사람이 되자!"
인간은 이성보다 감정의 동물. 그런데 세상에서 제일 다루기 힘든 건 바로 '내 감정'이다. 어떤 날은 성숙한 사람이 된 것 같은데, 다음 날은 바로 감정의 회오리에 휩쓸려 일을 망친다. 일상의 대화부터 사회적 관계까지 좌지우지하는 감정 역량의 문제. 이제 생각보다 기분을 잘 다루는 사람이 되자. 우리에게 '진짜 자존감과 가짜 자존감'이 무엇인지 알려준 전미경 원장이 『솔직하게, 상처 주지 않게』를 통해 14가지 감정 능력의 비밀을 밝힌다. 한순간 '욱하는' 일도 찬찬히 들여다보면 오래된 묵은 이유가 있다. 더 나은 나로 만들어주고, 오랜 상처로부터 회복하게 만드는 감정 능력의 힘. 누구 앞에서나 자신 있는 사람이 되는 수업을 시작하자.
목차
프롤로그 _ 마음, 생각, 행동이 일치된 삶을 위해
[1. 왜 세상에서 제일 다루기 어려운 건 나 자신일까] 정체성으로서의 감정 이해하기
감정의 회오리에 휩쓸려 일을 망친다. 남들과 다른 포인트에서 갑자기 감정이 올라온다. 왜 그런 걸까. 감정은 단순히 기분 문제가 아니라, 나의 정체성과 관련이 있다.
[2. 생각이 다르다고 마음까지 다치는 이유는] 상황과 기분 분리하기
아무리 나를 괴롭히는 사람이 있다고 해도 내가 부정적으로 느끼지 않으면 아무 일이 없을 수도 있다. 생각이 다르다는 그 자체로 스트레스를 받지는 않는다. 무엇이 상처를 주는 걸까.
[3. 내가 정말로 원하는 게 무엇인지 알아채고 싶다면] 1차 감정과 2차 감정을 구분하기
성공적인 인생 비결 중 하나는 '성숙함'. 성숙함의 기본은 '자신을 그대로 받아들인다'는 것이다. 어떻게 하면 내 감정에 솔직할 수 있을까.
[4. 사람들과 거리를 두는 게 정말 좋은 걸까] 감정을 타당화 해주기
관계를 잘 다룬다는 건 상대의 감정을 '눈에 보이게' 확인해주는 일. 상대가 재미있는 이야기를 했을 때 웃어주는 사람과 짜증을 내는 사람 중에서 누가 그 관계를 잘 풀어나갈지는 분명하다.
[5. 나쁜 일은 왜 쉽게 잊히지 않는 걸까] 기분을 셀프 확대하지 않기
나쁜 기분이든 좋은 기분이든, 우리가 성장하려면 이 감정들을 잊어버리고 새로운 단계로 나아가야 한다. 문제는 나쁜 감정은 꼬리에 꼬리를 무는 경향이 있다는 것.
[6. 그 사람 앞에만 가면 어린아이처럼 굴게 될 때] 애착 문제에서 오는 갈등 다루기
왜 그 사람에게서만 더 섭섭함을 느끼는 걸까. "내가 원하는 어떤 모습"으로 상대를 대하지 말자. '나를
사랑해주기를 바라는 무엇'으로 대하지 말자.
[7. 싫어도 감정 노동을 할 수밖에 없다면] 일과 나를 동일시하지 않기
감정 노동을 요구받는 '나'의 모습은 내가 가진 여러 역할 중 하나에 불과하다. 일은 소중하지만 일이 '나 자신'의 전부는 아니다.
[8. 가끔 내가 소설 속 주인공처럼 느껴진다면] 나의 기분을 객관적으로 바라보기
나만 불행한 것 같은 기분이 들 때가 있다. 나의 사연을 누군가에게 털어놓고 싶다. 왜 이런 기분이 드는 걸까? 내가 관심을 받고 싶은 걸까?
[9. 남들이 모르는 상처가 있다면 어떻게 할까] 외상 후 성장으로 나아가기
아무에게도 털어놓을 수 없는 고통의 기억. 그 기억에 계속 매달리고 싶지 않지만 쉽지 않다. 트라우마를 성장으로 바꾼 사람들은 어떻게 그런 일이 가능했을까.
Please note: This audiobook is in Korean.
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