Please note this episode has been edited to keep some names and identifiers confidential.

Having grown up in a religious cult, Cerese shares the confusion, doubts, and even self hate - especially as an adolescent - feeling betrayed by her maturing body. The prescribed norms of the church dictated her reality, severing the healthy bonds with her father. Adolescence heralded the end of them sharing their mutual love for the outdoors. Survival as an adult included a return to the outdoors and through hundreds of hikes, as her authentic self emerged. However, it took the death of both of her parents and her best friend’s death by suicide for her to finally break free from the cultic grip. The episode opens with Cerese reading her writing, “Naked in the Wilderness.”

Trigger Warning: This episode includes references to death by suicide. Due to these episodes containing stories that involve cults and other types of coercive control that may be disturbing to some, listener discretion is advised.

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Intro & outro by Jon Snow; Original Music by Esther Friedman

Editing and production by Vanessa Hennessey

Huge thanks to Living Cult Free’s intern, Nikki Kattamuri, and the Living Cult Free Board of Directors; as well as Erica A. Slauson for her help with transcription.

Music and sound by: Anton Kornienko, Chill_background, Daub_audio, Denis Pavlov, Dmitrii Kolesnikov, Dream-Protocol, EdR, Noru, Restum Anoush, Sergii Pavkin, Tiago Rocha, ViraMiller, Vlad Krotov