The Invisible Orientation
An Introduction to Asexuality
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Narrated by:
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Reay Kaplan
About this listen
What if you weren't sexually attracted to anyone?
A growing number of people are identifying as asexual. They aren't sexually attracted to anyone, and they consider it a sexual orientation - like gay, straight, or bisexual.
Asexuality is the invisible orientation. Most people believe that "everyone" wants sex, that "everyone" understands what it means to be attracted to other people, and that "everyone" wants to date and mate. But that's where asexual people are left out - they don't find other people sexually attractive, and if and when they say so, they are very rarely treated as though that's okay.
When an asexual person comes out, alarming reactions regularly follow; loved ones fear that an asexual person is sick, or psychologically warped, or suffering from abuse. Critics confront asexual people with accusations of following a fad, hiding homosexuality, or making excuses for romantic failures. And all of this contributes to a discouraging master narrative: there is no such thing as "asexual". Being an asexual person is a lie or an illness, and it needs to be fixed.
In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people's experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones.
©2014 Julie Sondra Decker (P)2014 Audible, Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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For the last 20 years, John Corvino - widely known as the author of the weekly column "The Gay Moralist" - has traversed the country responding to moral and religious arguments against same-sex relationships. In this timely audiobook, he shares that experience - addressing the standard objections to homosexuality and offering insight into the culture wars more generally. Is homosexuality unnatural? Does the Bible condemn it? Are people born gay (and should it matter either way)? Corvino approaches such questions with precision, sensitivity, and good humor.
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Great book and great author
- By Anonymous User on 06-21-18
By: John Corvino
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- A Guide to Knowing If Your Relationship Can - and Should - Be Saved
- By: Lundy Bancroft, JAC Patrissi
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 13 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft, the author of Why Does He Do That?, and communication specialist JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward, with or without their partners.
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Paradigm Shift
- By Sydnee Adams-Hancock on 04-08-16
By: Lundy Bancroft, and others
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When Friendship Hurts
- How to Deal with Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You
- By: Jan Yager Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Tanya Eby
- Length: 7 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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We’ve all had friendships that have gone bad. Whether it takes the form of a simple yet inexplicable estrangement or a devastating betrayal, a failed friendship can make your life miserable, threaten your success at work or school, and even undermine your romantic relationships. Finally there is help. In When Friendship Hurts, Jan Yager, recognized internationally as a leading expert on friendship, explores what causes friendships to falter and explains how to mend them - or end them.
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Boring and patronizing
- By KDS on 11-17-22
By: Jan Yager Ph.D.
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The Undervalued Self
- By: Elaine N. Aron
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Elaine Aron follows up her best sellers on the highly sensitive person with a groundbreaking new book on the undervalued self. She explains that self-esteem results from having a healthy balance of love and power in our lives. Readers will learn to incorporate love into situations that seem to require power and deal with power struggles that mask themselves as issues of love.
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Life Changing!
- By Salon Finished Dawn on 09-20-15
By: Elaine N. Aron
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How to Love
- By: Gordon Livingston
- Narrated by: James Jenner
- Length: 5 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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The internationally best-selling author of Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, Dr. Gordon Livingston here helps readers discover fulfilling happiness. By recognizing and understanding particular character traits in ourselves and others, we can all learn who best to love - and who best to avoid.
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Honest and right to the point
- By Elisabeth on 02-10-10
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The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship
- By: Natalie Lue
- Narrated by: Lucy Price-Lewis
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Most people, if asked, would deny that they'd ever had fantasy relationships, as they are associated with pretending to be with someone or in something that's nonexistent. However, it's time for you to change what you think you know. In this modern age of texts, email, Facebook, online dating, and casual relationships, it's never been so easy to find yourself in a crumb-filled fantasy relationship.
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Just ok...
- By LaKita on 09-13-17
By: Natalie Lue
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Why Does He Do That?
- Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
- By: Lundy Bancroft
- Narrated by: Peter Berkrot
- Length: 13 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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He says he loves you. So...why does he do that? You've asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men---and to change your life. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men shows you how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship.
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I needed this.
- By james p weiss on 09-07-17
By: Lundy Bancroft
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Love Is Never Enough
- How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems Through Cognitive Therapy
- By: Aaron T. Beck MD
- Narrated by: Bob Dio
- Length: 12 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Love Is Never Enough explores the most common problems in marriage: the power of negative thinking, disillusionment, rigid rules and expectations, and miscommunication. These issues can be approached through cognitive therapy, in which thinking through and reasoning are used to counteract the poor communication that so often erodes relationships. With eloquence and accessibility, Aaron T. Beck, MD, shows how effective communication can restore and strengthen the ties and bonds between couples.
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Great book with help for sticky points
- By Ernest Maifrini on 10-22-16
By: Aaron T. Beck MD
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The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?
- A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go
- By: Patricia Evans
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Coupling stories of abused women and abusive men from her own case studies, Patricia Evans here gives you the tools you need to transform your relationship. Most important, she assures you that such a transformation is possible—given the right circumstances. Evans also helps you determine if your abuser really has changed—or if he’s merely creating the illusion of change. And if he hasn’t changed, Evans helps you decide whether it’s time to leave the relationship—and what to do when it is.
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A gift to the emotionally violated
- By curious23m on 08-16-15
By: Patricia Evans
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Mating in Captivity
- Reconciling the Erotic & the Domestic
- By: Esther Perel
- Narrated by: Esther Perel
- Length: 8 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Esther Perel takes on tough questions, grappling with the obstacles and anxieties that arise when our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. She invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home.
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Slices of life
- By Eric on 12-03-18
By: Esther Perel
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Love and Limerence
- The Experience of Being in Love
- By: Dorothy Tennov
- Narrated by: Tanya Eby
- Length: 10 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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First released more than 40 years ago, Love and Limerence has become a classic in the psychology of emotion. As relevent today as it was then, this book offers insight into love, infatuation, madness, and all flavors of emotion in between.
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rundown of surveys and stats
- By supermichelle on 12-28-22
By: Dorothy Tennov
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How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
- By: Patricia Love, Steven Stosny
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Men are right. The "relationship talk" does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness: Love is not about better communication. It's about connection.
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Must read if your on the verge of loosing it all!
- By Chris on 07-19-15
By: Patricia Love, and others
What listeners say about The Invisible Orientation
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Madeline Theisen
- 01-24-22
Good informative writing, not the best narrator
Great writing about asexuality and what that means, but the last half hour or so is just a ton of websites and things read mechanically. I understand they're resources which can and should be spread, I just don't know why they couldn't have made an accompanying PDF for those.
Other than that, I really loved this, and will likely be sending it to friends and family if/when I come out.
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- Austin Pierce
- 10-04-21
Awareness is Helpful
Highly repetitive, but it gets the point across.
I’d recommend this to anyone looking to learn more.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Krystal
- 06-19-24
Eye Opening
Wonderful, eye opening information and beautiful narration. Thank you for creating something so meaningful and special for Aces and their allies.
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- Jen Si
- 12-01-19
Much needed book on asexuality
Asexuality is often dismissed, and this book attempts to bring the facts and show that asexual people to exist, that there is nothing wrong with them, and that their feelings and lives are valid.
The book seems to lie somewhere between lists of facts and a series of personal essays. I think it is a good first start in an area that seriously needs more attention and information.
It's a bit dry at times, but again, it is meant to be informative, not to be a riveting story.
Pick this up if you are asexual, or if you are curious or questioning. It is affirming and positive, and I do recommend it.
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- DugFinn
- 02-19-24
A massive overload of information
If you're looking for a very large amount of overarching information about what it is to be an ace and everything tangental to it, this is the book for you. I don't mean that in a bad way, however it is a lot. This is a good book if you genuinely are looking for more information than you probably want to know, but it's written out in a clinical dry kind of way. I'm ace, so reading this book had a lot of "yep, that's right" moments and a lot of "can I just skip this part because it's so boring. I already know all of this" parts. If you're looking for a book to suggest to a friend or a parent then I recommend something a bit more layman or perhaps something with a bit more anecdotal stories - something a bit more that hits at the heart strings or with a better perspective that can help non-aces relate. This book seems to be geared a lot towards aces and their partners, and how aces and their partners deal with relationships, so it's probably better if this is recommended to the partner of an ace that is trying to gather more information. All in all, this isn't a bad book, however it wouldn't be the first one I'd recommend to someone if I was trying to get them to understand what being an ace is, especially someone from the old generations (there are a lot of politically correct words in this book that might trigger them).
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- wraithowl
- 03-04-21
Great Coverage of a Misunderstood Orientation
This book was a thorough, but not inaccessible, examination of the asexual spectrum of orientations, points of intersectionality, needs, resources, and more. I would highly recommend this book to gain a better understanding of the spectrum and how not to cause harm to someone who identifies as ace. I gave a copy of this to my therapist who does a lot of work in the LGBTQIA+ community.
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- Aditya Sundararajan
- 12-05-20
Very informative
A very informative primer for the lay person as well as for those curious about asexuality. The author does a great job dissecting and dispelling the various myths, misunderstanding, and stigma around this little recognized orientation. While repetution can help drill concepts into the skeptics and the deniers, it gets tad tedious at times to the point I could finish the sentences for the author. Still, it gets a rec from me as a book that achieves what it sets out to do.
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- Bracha Shterling
- 03-17-21
Pronunciation grates on my nerves
I couldnt finish this book after hearing the narrators pronunciation of mature. I cannot take seriously someone who says ma-tyor and not ma-choor. Might be a silly reason to stop a book...but this has grated on my ears for years.
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1 person found this helpful
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- just asking for some common sense
- 11-01-22
So much to learn. This is a great start
Like many people I've never thought much about Asexuality. I knew it existed, but it didn't concern me personally so I had no reason to delve into the subject. As I started this book I learned that I knew less than I imagined. It never occurred to me it was a sexual orientation. I had no idea about all the variations of Asexuality. If someone told me they were Ace I wouldn't even know what that was.
This book explains so much, and yet I feel that there's even more to learn. She has so many resources listed at the end that anyone could delve deeper if they wished.
I was looking for a book with a protagonist on the Ace Spectrum, but I struggled to choose a book because I didn't know anything. The author is Ace so I'm using this book. It's well written, but a little dry and repetitive. A solid 4 stars for me.
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- Anthony
- 05-23-15
This book needed to exist!
What did you learn from The Invisible Orientation that you would use in your daily life?
It made me realize how much is left unseen by us just because we persistently reflect our own experience on others and neglect to even acknowledge that alternatives are not impossible and this from simple phrases regarded by society to be inexorably true such as "We're human, we all have (sexual) needs" to "We all need (romantic) love to be happy". You have found an ally in me.
Any additional comments?
The thing I'm grateful the most is that because of this book I now understand my peers and myself a little better.
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5 people found this helpful